Finding the Words
A reflection on the work in progress as the days continue to change
The times have changed. The year has shifted and the days are new.
I welcome this space like the first kiss from a new lover.
I'm excited. And nervous.
Curious, but cautious.
And wide open to possibility.
Still honoring the season with patience and grace. Practicing slowness and resting and dreaming.
Day dreaming. Allowing my imagination to run wild like when I was a child.
Anytime, any place.
Releasing the idea that life's all a race. Or a game. Or a mystery.
Accepting that each piece, player, and part is rooted in something from inside of me. A reflection. A message. A truth.
And I want to share these truths with you, through rhythm, rhyme, and different verbs. I want to wrap you up in my words. Be a warm blanket, a shield, a parachute, a loving smooch. There are so many things I want my words to do.
But most importantly, I want them to be true.
Because as much as things change, things stay the same and sometimes the same just won't do. Or no longer is true. Or you no longer want it to be and are moving against reality.
In a recent interview with Angie Martinez, Jill Scott shared that she has a direct line to the Creator that gives her the words- born with it. Jill believes we all have this direct line and connection to source. The ability to do what she does with words with whatever we love. We just have to find out what it is we love enough to let it move us. What we love enough to ignore all the outside noise and intently listen to our gut. Let our knowing truly lead the way. Confidently following it with faith, even absent of understanding.
This is the relationship I want with words. And we're almost there. Truly on the precipice of greatness. Because words are my safe space. My home away from home. My soil to root into and grow strong. And as I've shared more and more my dreams for them have shifted. My needs have shifted. My understanding has shifted.
I am in a space of constant transition.
Internal transformation station in ways I've never given real space and time to.
Unlocking old feelings and releasing new truths.
Battling old demons and creating new roots.
I'm being tested directly and directed indirectly to play by new rules and make sure I use all my tools.
I am in a new state of being. Not because of time, but because of experience. Because of energy. Because of being. Because of a solidified and integrated understanding.
Because of building someone else's dream and ignoring my own. Using someone else's words as my roots, mistaking them for my truth, and depleting my possibilities. Side effects of yearning to thrive in captivity vs benefits of finally listening to your inner child.
In The Ethical Slut (2012) the authors mention reclaiming words and using them to "mean what they actually mean." It woke something(s) up for me- most specifically my desire to dive deeper into language and build a stronger relationship with words. Dance with their meanings and amplify their impact. Explore new languages and new words and new worlds and bring back new stories. New lessons. New connections. And leave old language behind. Old beliefs and ways of being rooted in old white male history of bigotry. Controlled by shame and potential fame when all I really want is community and sustainability. I'm replacing consumption with creation.
I am finding the words. My words. My story. My meaning. Through living and poetry and many other forms of creativity and loving. And I hope you'll join me. And I hope you'll write your own story.
I refuse to deny myself the full experience of me. The good, the bad, the ugly. The truth. The new.
This starts with new beliefs. New language. New ways of seeing. A commitment to being. An honoring of each season and the fact that my life has reason. My existence has purpose. And the struggle to find it all being worth it.
Questions helping me find the words:
Why create it?
What messages/lessons do you want to convey?
Who are you talking to?
What questions are you answering?
Where do you hope the words reach?
When did you first get the idea?
How does creating this move your goals forward?
How does creating this align with your values?