Am I Forgiven?
On forgiving yourself before anything else ft. some prompts
To be an artist you have to forgive yourself every day, multiple times a day, in order to create what's true and real for you. I say forgive yourself because many artist create from a place of experience, and everybody doesn't always remember the story the same, or want the story to be heard. Beyond that, art takes time, energy, and focus- all things you're not giving to the people, or anything else you love, when you're creating. So much of your life has the potential to be ignored for the sake of art, and forgiving yourself quickly is a major key to reducing the mental struggle before creating.
We've all entered a world with made-up rules, trying to figure out how to express ourselves truthfully and fully within the circumstances provided.
Artists have a unique ability to coat these experiences in beauty- wrapping them with imagery, perforating them with lessons. Artistic creations carve out new pathways, allowing others to connect, reflect, shift perspectives, and maybe even change how they move through the world. Art provides new information that can lead to new decisions- new ways of thinking and being. And this is why in a fascist, white supremacist, patriarchal, capitalist society, art is one of the first things they take from the youth and censor in the public sphere. All art is political, because all art is personal and the personal is political.
There is swarm of unseen eyes over the artist's shoulder, searching for interpretations and impact. To create from a true and real place, you have to ignore the buzzing. In the Pieces I Am documentary, Toni Morrison says:
“I have spent my entire writing life trying to make sure that the white gaze was not the dominant one in any of my books.”
I would include the male gaze and money-hungry, survival, individualist gazes as well. These frames of reference impede our ability to be honest with ourselves, and our audiences can see the holes. They notice when something is hiding beneath the surface. It's hard to connect and reflect without slipping and falling in these empty cracks in the art.
Forgiveness makes space for accountability. Accountability to yourself first, because the foundation of an artist's practice is expression. To express truthfully, you'll have to break a lot of rules lingering in the air-
before transforming to a solid force and landing on your shoulder
before crawling up your neck,
behind and into your ear,
through your brain and out the other ear,
down your arm and into your hands
and leaping to your toes
as you create.
It makes sense that many artists find themselves pacing between flight, freeze, and fawn- feeling empty yet riddled with urgency at just the thought of creating. We are inundated with messages in every area of people activity around what we should think, feel, say, do, and believe. Creating is a reflection of the artist- their truth embodied and materialized but depersonified, shifting the I to the we. Because creating is often a solitary act, all the should've, would've, and could've acts- especially in community and when related to health, go unnoticed and unattended to.
Creating is a reflection of the artist- their truth embodied and materialized but depersonified, shifting the I to the we.
This creates a new space of accountability- to the people, the audience, the onlookers, the interactors, the supporters, and the analyzers. Before creating, an artist has to accept and choose truth. But before sharing, an artist has to face another truth: that they are humans who just want to belong and connect like every other human. That this longing is just as important as getting the work done and making a profit. This goes against all the propaganda and mis-teachings of society, especially if you're creating or engaging with the never United States of America.
Forgiving yourself adds a new layer of freedom and self-determination to the creative practice. It signals the acceptance and trust necessary to express from the heart without worrying about who or how others will be impacted. It's giving yourself permission to do it for you first, and letting your truth to move and motivate others as divinely intended. It also creates room for accountability through self-awareness and intentionality. They say when we know better, we do better and artists have a unique ability to get creative with how they approach life and connection. To be successful in all areas, it takes a lot of self-forgiveness.
The how is up to you- and where our prompts for today sprout from:
How do you practice forgiveness? What role does forgiveness play in your life?
What are you still holding against you?
What are you ready to forgive yourself for?
How will you practice accountability to this truth in your creative practice?
What gaze are you creating from?
How will you know if it worked?
No longer seeking revenge or punishment.
This is key when forgiving yourself, because not creating through procrastination and avoidance- fueled by constant reminders of what you didn't do or who you're not like, are detrimental to the creative practice.
Feelings of relief and peace.
If you’re still antsy and anxious, you haven't fully accepted your truth. Your art will come out hesitant and jagged- a reflection of how you feel inside. True forgiveness brings that ease and flow, making creativity nourishing and healing.
Remembering without reliving the pain.
To forgive, you have to face the truth of the thing. It requires you to do your own analyzing and reflecting so you can be honest with yourself about the impact. Processing this impact builds new muscles and mental pathways that add more agency to your life and complexity to your art.
Letting go of contempt.
Forgiving yourself creates space where bitterness and anger used to reside. We are our toughest critics, often beating ourselves up before anyone else can. We resent ourselves and our art for making us face realities we'd rather ride out in blissful ignorance. Forgiveness helps us see the power in our knowing and naming, in whatever craft we choose.
Focusing on you.
Forgiveness gives you back the role of main character of your creative life. It takes the practice out of the hands of someone or something that “needs to change” and puts it back into your own. It acknowledges your role in the happenings of your life and lets you claim some responsibility.
Forgiveness alchemizes art through transmuting our lived experiences into creative truths. Do the prompts. Throw yourself a forgiveness party. Come back and let me know how it goes. Try creating from this place and see what differences you notice. It's worked for me, but we are all having our own unique experiences and journeys- so I'd love to know how it works for you!
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